The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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