Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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