He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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