I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
