I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
