You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize