He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
