Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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