Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
