She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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