so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
