I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
