honey bunches of taint.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
