dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
