Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize