If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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