I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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