Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
