Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
