She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
