I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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