We won't sleep together?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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