Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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