Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
