i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
