do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
