:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize