WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
