This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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