he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
