Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
