The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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