This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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