Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
