I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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