This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't deserve a penis
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
