Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
