things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
