Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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