Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
