miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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