wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
