Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize