She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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