Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
