I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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