This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
