i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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