just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my shit smells like andre
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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