Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize