Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
