Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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