The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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