From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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