I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
