epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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