It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
