i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
