She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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