also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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