I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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