What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
