Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize