Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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