We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
