Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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