just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
